Hi guys.
Hope you are all good this September Friday afternoon. First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH, for the response from last weeks blog. Really..... I can not even explain how amazed I was to see so many views and so many likes. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. As you all know, I was a bit in doubt whether I should actually write the post of not, but all together it seems like you guys likes nontypical subjects, which will also be reflected in this weeks post: DIVORCE!
So..... Divorce.... To be honest, everyone around me get divorced, breaks up, split apart of lives in a unhappy relationship. I met with a photographer the other day who told me, he just received the printed version of a wedding album he recently did, but the couple is already divorced. I am not even kidding when I say that 80% of the people around me can tick in one of the boxes above. Is this scary to think about, or is it just facts? So since I am up in the age, I can compare my time when I was "young" to the time now, when I am older........ Back then it was not ok to break up, or get divorced. People from our society would look down, on the those who split up....... I had people around me who suffered psysically and mentally because of our Tamil people's psychological pressure. Friends of mine got depressed, they were abandon from the society and suffered a lot. Nowadays, the divorce rate in Germany is above 40%. Without knowing I would actually say that the divorce, breakup, split up rate, among our Tamil people is higher........ Now... Is that wrong? Is it wrong to break up, even though you had a grand wedding, invited everyone and anyone, showed the entire world that now you were married or even when you have children..... Than living in a unhappy relationship?
What is the reason to this? Is it because we get married in a young age, because that's tradition? Is it because we get married to our first boyfriend/girlfriend, because that's tradition? Is it because we accept the partner, our parents finds us, because thats tradition? Is it because our parents wants us to get married as soon as they find out we are in a relationship (because people around us start talking?), because that's tradition? Is it because we never lived together, spent too much time together, but only know each other from the "sweet dating times", because that's tradition? Why is it that we split up? Has breaking up become our new tradition?{adselite}
The other day I was reading a post on the social medias about this Tamil girl, who's friend was divorced and with a kid. The kid was missing a "dad figure" in the life and this girl was sharing her feelings and concerns for her friend. It was very heartbreaking to read, but on the other hand I got really proud that she did what she did. Trying to help out her friend, and potentially open up the topic about being a female, single with a kid, and discuss possibilities for this type of girls - WOW that gives hope out to those single girls AND BOYS, who sits in the same situation. We have several single girls and boys with kids or without kids, who has been in a "public" relationship and is having difficulties, moving on because of our society. There are soooooo many Tamil girls who doesn't know how to be in a relationship, and ruins it all. There are so many boys who thinks its ok to date public in several years and just break up because now it's not fun anymore - when is the limit? And when is it ok to leave your partner?
So my opinion to this subject is, that seeing a couple split up, is heartbreaking. I have been though it myself, and I know how miserable it is, because our society judges so easily. It happened 9 years ago, but back then it was DEFINATELY not ok. The reason why we broke up back then, was because as soon as our parents found out they made it public (so that other people wouldn't talk), we had a long distance relationship for many many years (where we only dated on the phone), and as soon as we started spending more time together in real life, and started to get to know each other in a proper way. We realized our relationship was just crap and shit and 2 months later we broke up and walked in 2 different directions. THAT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID TO MYSELF. I have never been happier. Thank god I have parents who supports break ups, if it doesn't work. My learnings are, it's very very very important to know your partner. If it requires 5 years or more to date, if it requires living together first, if it requires to travel around..... Whatever..... Do it....... Think properly before you enter a marriage. When things are going in a different way than expected, do EVERYTHING you can to make the marriage work..... And if it really doesn't work..... it's OK to walk away if you are not happy. You are the one who decides when enough is enough. You are the one who has to wake up every morning and live in this relationship...... So don't worry about people around you, think about yourself first, and do what makes you happy. And last but not least...... DONT JUDGE PEOPLE WHO USED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IS SINGLE NOW. None of us know what they have been through in their life, and why their situation is the way it is.
Until next Friday
On a Friday like this, where nothing special happens, I am just wondering what this week’s topic should be about. I have been very much in doubt, whether I should actually write this post or not…. The subject is a bit ambivalent and maybe still a taboo subject to discuss among people our society. But anyway, I have decided to write this post, both because I think it’s an absolutely beautiful and because I think it’s important that we can speak and have an open discussion about what’s happening around the world, without feeling its wrong – Freedom To Speak.
Back in June 2013, there was a special wedding that went viral. It was a wedding between 2 people, they only invited their very close friends and family and the wedding itself was very small. It happened in California, US. It was a wedding between 2 people who were really in love. It was a wedding between a Hindu and a Christian. It was a wedding between a girl and a girl. Shannon a Christian girl and Sheema a Hindu girl. A Hindu Christian homosexual wedding – WOW, when I first saw the The wedding itself was very private, but their wedding pictures went viral all over the world within very short time.
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Since homosexual weddings have been a topic that Tamil people do not have the courage to talk loud about, Shannon and Sheema were one of the first couples to go out and speak open about it. Their aim was never to be this public, but with the pictures going viral, they felt they should share their story with the rest of the world. So they did :) {adselite}
Sheema is Indian, and she always wanted a traditional North Indian wedding. She grew up in a indian family, and indian weddings were the only one she saw, and also wanted for herself. Since Shannon was Christian and American it was important for the couple to portray both cultures, elegant, classy, warm and loving.
Shannon was dressed in her white dress, and sheema in a traditional indian lengha. Shannon walked down to a American song and Sheema was carried in a Doli by her family in a indian traditional way. During the ceremony they tied their knot and fed each other sweets to symbolize their first meal as a married couple. In American weddings, the bride and groom will kiss each other, but that was not really a choice in the Indian wedding, so feeding the sweets to each other was a good equivalent. The wedding went perfect.
I really feel this wedding was so amazing. Its always amazing to see 2 people who love each other get married, no matter what culture, scin color, name, sex or part of the world they come from. The youtube video which is linked in the bottom of the blogpost made me have tears in my eyes. I personally know a few Tamil homosexuals that have become either public by now or is living their life with 2 different masks.
We live in a civilized society no matter where we are in the world. This also means that it is OK and there is nothing wrong about being homosexual. As always, we tamil/indians might not be the front runners here, but Shannon and Sheemas love story has definitely opened up the topic.29th of June 2008, the first PRIDE parade took place in Delhi, Bangalore, Pondicherry and Calcutta. The day after it took place In Chennai. Overall there were 2200 people showing up. Since 2003 the events have taken place every year, very successful and no protest or attacks against the pride parade. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh appealed for greater social tolerence towards homosexuals at an AIDS event in 2008. The pride parades have also been held in smaller Indian cities such as Madurai, Bhubaneshwar and Thrissur. The attendance at the parades has been increasing since 2008 with 3500 people in Delhi only.
Please visit Shannon and Sheemas personal website for more http://shannonandseema.com/
Guys, let me know what your thoughts are about this blog post
Until next Friday
Hello guys, Happy Friday. Hope you are enjoying this beautiful Friday in the beautiful weather. Today I am gonna share a website I stopped by lately. So basically what this website is about is a space where you can create a digital invitation for your wedding (I have been looking around and it’s only for weddings guys, sorry). You may ask me “Why is this so special, when you can create a Facebook event, and that’s all?”
Well, here comes the part that I like.
First you create your invitation and provide the website with names, date, time, address. And the basic invitation is created. Afterwards you add your pictures and design it, so it looks nice. There are so many extras in this invite that you create, and it sooooo makes sense for me. Let me explain why :)
RSPV – When your guest have received your invite, they can simply respond whether they are attending, how many are attending, what their name is etc. By that you have an idea of how many will attend your wedding. You can add the event to your google calendar, so you don’t have to do that manually.
Song Selection – as a guest you can add your wish for the playlist for the party :) I LOVE IT !! There is nothing I hate more than people going to the DJ and wishing this song and that song and blab la – by using this tool, you have your guests wish for their song.
Live Directions – guest can on the day, simple and easy get live directions to the venue, through google maps.{adselite}
Wedding gifts – You can create your personal wedding gift list, which can be provided with websites for the products, so you know that you will get exactly what you wished for. No more stupid wedding gifts that you will never use.
Guest Greetings – You all know that when attending a wedding, there is the guestbook, and you always say that you will write in it later, and later and later. At the end of the day, you actually never managed to write in it. An online guestbook make people write their greetings online as well :)
Shared wedding album – Everyone can add the pictures that they have been taking to the online shared wedding album. Of cause the album is only available for the people who have an invite. This is also a really cool feature that I like.
There are other planning tools on the website as well, but I really like the idea with the online wedding invitation/website. Even though we live in a digital world, I see this as a great tool for the digital user, and young people on our own age. The older generation might still want a paper card physically in their hands. And yes the printed cards are charming and beautiful. But digital is a good way to save some money guys.
Anyway, consider it for your next event, it’s easy to use, very exciting to create an play around with for the guest and it’s completely FREE :)
Website: http://www.wedivite.com/
Demo: http://invite.wedivite.com/demo
Until next time
Vanakkam People…….Hope you liked my previous post. I love the idea, and cannot wait to see the concept be rolled out in the rest of the world, and see how people are going to use it. Anyway, my blogpost for this week is about something completely different….. Have any of you, like me, wondered why a Hindu wedding needs to be on specific auspicious date…. And why it’s not allowed to get married in July? I have often thought about it, because July is for me an amazing month, weather is nice, everyone can easily get holiday from work and school, so travels are easy, but from July 15th to August 15th is a totally forbidden month to get married. I have done my research online and found the following answers.
July 15th to August 15th is called the month “Aadi”. It’s the 4th month in the Tamil calendar. In some regions newly married couple are kept separated in this period as well. The reason for this is (as far as I have read online), in early days it was considered that if a woman gets pregnant in Aadi month, she will deliver the baby in March or April, which are the hottest months. The karthikai Veyil will take place in this period. Pregnant woman will suffer more in the hot weather and the newborn will also suffer in the climate. The pregnant will also face cold during the critical month of her pregnancy (December + January).
In this period also a lot of religious festivals takes place, Aadi Chevvai, Aadi Velli, Aadi Karthigai, Aadi Amavasai, Aadi 18 Perukku, Andal Pooram and Varalakshmi Puja. So when all this festivals takes place, the pregnant woman will not be able to join these festivals as well, which is another reason why the husband and wife are separated. {adselite}
Its not only a wedding that cannot take place in Aadi, but it’s also not considered good to shift to a new house or even buy new clothes. I don’t know how many are actually aware of that, at least I haven’t heard it before Hmmmmm…… we live in a scientific world where we know better than what they knew back then. Even though we live all around the world, and have none of the issues mentioned above, we will keep the tradition. That is one of the things I like about the Hindu and Tamil people. We stick to our traditions, and we keep following them, even though we know it might be nonsense.
Imagine me if I could do not shopping in July, what about all the sales that happens in July. What about Aadi thallupadu in India and Sri Lanka …. That would be hard, so in fact I don’t follow the traditions when it comes to little ego me. Traditions are really good. It’s good to have some “rules and regulations” that we stick to. That is what makes our weddings so beautiful, and entertained, because of traditions. When that is said, I think it’s important that we also sometimes question the traditions, and try to understand the meaning behind our traditions. Back then, here was some clever people who actually had a point by creating these traditions.
Guys let me know what your thoughts are on this topic. Could be interesting to know what your views are – Should we stick to our tradition that was created hundreds of years ago or should we be more scientific and be more realistic?
Until next time
